Coaching vs. Therapy:

In general, coaching is not appropriate as front-line support for individuals suffering from acute chronic and severe depression, anxiety, neuroses, or addictions. In these cases, trained therapists may work with those clients seeking professional help to work towards healing, recovery, and issue resolution.  As the coach, I can be a part of this support system, in conjunction with the therapist.  I am not here to diagnose, treat, or “fix” someone. As a coach, I am working with the teenagers (or parents) who need a good listener and some meaningful tools to better trust themselves and the choices they make, in order to engage fully and joyfully in the world around them. 

I don’t work with teens who are actively suicidal or self -harming.  Not that I don’t think I could help it’s just the kind of situation that requires a lot of attention from a different professional.

Can I work with teens who have suicidal ideation and move through experiences of depression/anxiety?  

If I’m about to start a coaching agreement with someone who is dealing with a lot of depression/anxiety/eating disorders/self-harming, etc. I would also recommend that they start seeing a therapist. I believe in building a support system, and then I become a part of that support system. To make it very clear and as a distinction:  I am not an on-call coach. I have a 48 to 72-hour window before I need to respond to any of my clients. This is really important to explain about upfront. The coaching sessions can help create new thought patterns, new ways of being with pain, a new healthier relationship with themselves and that process takes time. It’s not something that is a quick fix by any means although a lot can happen over the course of several months.

When I am asked this question; Should my kid do therapy or coaching? Which is better? 

I would say that both are great. It really depends on the person coaching or the person counseling. Many coaches and counselors work in similar structures as in committed programs overtime or doing one off sessions. Coaches and counselors can do both. So, if “You” the parent has a preference, I would encourage you to look for something that suits you and your teen. Being in the service industry as a trainer for over 16 years, I have found that I may not always be the best fit for the person in front of me, but I can still serve them in many ways, such as referring or recommending another trainer. This is all part of the process of serving for the greatest amount of good.  I have experienced over time, that when the timing is right, many of the people I referred, come back into my picture because I have built up that trust and ultimately wanting what’s best for “you” the parent(s) and teen.

As a coach, I don’t accept insurance, that’s another thing to consider. But in terms of the actual work within the session, it really depends on the person. I recommend that a parent tries out a few coaches and a few counselors or therapist to see who is a fit.  Sometimes they know right away talking to one person but if for any reason there isn’t resonance between their kid and the coach/therapist, I recommend finding that right fit.   I have read and have even said myself that therapy focuses on the past while coaching focuses on creating the future but I have also learned that nothing is ever 100% black and white. Many coaches are trained in deep healing modalities while some therapists are trained in behavioral modifications in the here and now. 

So again, I am a fan of both and I think it’s about supporting “you” parent and or family in getting real life experience with specific people within those roles to see who resonates.

What are the most common themes with teens in what they want out of coaching? What do you see as their biggest challenges, hang-ups or common language they use?

Just like adults, the one thing I do talk a lot about is the nature of our reality… I have found through my own experience, that I was always looking outward for the answers, whether it was from someone else, a book, a course, etc. When all along, I had the answers within me. That I just needed to have the confidence within, to slow down and have someone make me aware of the quality of my thinking. How it was affecting me, or holding me back.  We all inherently want to know that we are loved, “seen”, and “heard” in a safe environment.   That even if they fail a test or in some sport, that they are not a failure. They can ask for what they want in life, they can do hard things, in order to become the architect of their lives.  Many grapple with the reality that they are told what to do 99% of the time so they crave freedom and I assure them that there is of course inner freedom to experience and we can talk about that, but in reality, the older they get the more freedom they will have.  Also, that, ultimately if they want more freedom, that has to be earned through trust and being responsible.  That they can choose this, they have flexibility.  That just because X happens doesn’t mean Y is going to happen. That they have choice.  I wish I understood this as a teenager growing up, or had someone challenge me in my thinking.  That if they don’t do well on an exam, what can they learn from it and take a different approach? That, if they are in a relationship that doesn’t feel good they can find a way to leave it. Many are afraid that they will make the wrong decisions. Yes, they will, but that’s not a problem. We all do, that is what makes us all uniquely perfect in being human.  And we can course correct, we are not wrong for changing directions or changing our minds. In fact, it’s very liberating to allow yourself to do so...  

I believe YOU know what’s best for you. My role is to guide you, to help you discover those answers within. We all have an inner wisdom, a self-guidance with us to access, past all the mind-chatter and unconscious habits, but like myself for many years, I didn’t know how to access, relate to, then have the confidence to act from it.  This change can or may seem overwhelming and the work may be difficult, but it can be the most meaningful journey one can take if you decide.